SLEEPOVER ACTIVITES 🧁💤🍕🎥🌞🌊🌳

  

Forgiveness Isn't Fashionable (But I Still Want It).

From my heart...

I’ve been thinking a lot about 90210 lately—specifically Adrianna and Naomi. You know the moment: Naomi gets caught with Adrianna’s stash, and suddenly, her world crumbles for something she didn’t even do. Meanwhile, Adrianna watches her best friend walk away, knowing full well she caused it. I hate to say it, but... I’ve been there. Maybe not with actual drugs or designer scandals, but I’ve made mistakes that stained people I cared about. And when the fallout hit, I had to ask myself: can guilt ever outshine the hurt I caused? Spoiler: Naomi didn’t think so. And sometimes, neither do the people we love. 

Adrianna's confession seriously stood out to me, "Yeah, I’m claiming responsibility. So what? It was obviously my fault. I don’t want to miss her. She was trying to help me and I hurt her so badly. So deeply that she’s never gonna forgive me. And I can’t live with myself knowing that I did something that awful." 

Watching Adrianna fall apart over Naomi hits differently when you've lived it. I had a Naomi. My number one, my ride-or-die. We weren’t just close—we were synced. The kind of friendship where one raised eyebrow meant “spill the tea” and a shared glance meant “same thought.” And then—just like that—we weren’t. She cut me off. Completely. No big dramatic fight, no last words. Just silence that grew louder every day. She told me she never wanted to speak to me again. And she meant it. That was four years ago. You’d think I’d be over it by now. And I am... mostly. But then there are those weird little moments—the ones you don’t expect. A joke no one else would get. A memory that floats up out of nowhere. A song, a scent, a moment that we would've laughed at together. That’s when the ache hits. Not loud. Not messy. Just a soft, sharp kind of missing. Like Adrianna, I’ve said sorry. To the counselor, in the letters I never sent, in late-night whispers no one heard. But like Naomi, she made her choice. And I have to live with that. Some friendships aren’t lost in explosions. They're lost in silence. 

And the hardest part is still wanting to share the laugh when the other person isn’t listening anymore.

Some days, I convince myself that I’ll never have that kind of friendship again. That the closeness, the compatibility, the bond we had was once-in-a-lifetime. And maybe it was. But lately, I’ve been trying to believe something else, too: that maybe the universe doesn’t always give us replacements—it gives us reminders. New people, new energy, new chances to feel seen and safe and silly all over again. It won’t be her. It won’t be us. But it might still be beautiful. I don’t know when that connection will show up. I don’t know who it’ll be. But I do know that I’m still here, still healing, still open. 

And even though it still hurts sometimes, I’ve made amazing progress. I’ve owned up to my mistakes. I’ve faced truths I used to run from. I’ve stopped waiting for closure that may never come. I’m no longer stuck. I’m still healing, still learning—but I’m also moving. Forward. And stronger. And maybe, that’s what growth really looks like.

This was a 'from the heart' blog. I won't be doing these too often, only when I need to. I hope this can help someone that may be in a rut in their relationship. 

QOTD (Quote of the Day): In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.

Talk soon,

Elle B. Are. ♥

LBRdiaries@blogspot.com

Manifesting & Meltdowns.

 Let's Be Real...

I feel like there is a HUGE blockage in my way. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS but I hope to find out REAL SOON. 

So first of all I've been suffering from Trismus (lockjaw) due to my wisdom teeth growing in UPSIDE DOWN and becoming infected. It has been so difficult and frustrating to eat, it feels like an AWFUL chore. And to add onto that it is extremely difficult to book an appointment to get wisdom teeth removed and if I don't feel like waiting I have to pay the 4,000+ fee. When my mom told my dad the other night he TOTALLY freaked out. Since I'm going to Cancun in August they've already spent a pretty penny on my ticket and resort fee. So I TOTALLY understand but my dad is acting as if I BEGGED to go to Cancun. This was THEIR gift to ME. He gets so angry that my mom and I don't have jobs but does he even understand the circumstances that we CANNOT? Like we have been over that TRILLIONS of times. I also weighed myself on the scale and AGAIN I hit the 200LB mark. WHY? DON'T KNOW. I've been working so hard UGH I am so UPSET. 

So here is what I'm doing instead of freaking out:

1. I walked to Hardees today to fill out a job application. No fear, just did it. (Proud of myself. ☺)

2. These last 2 weeks I have been working extremely hard taking care of myself and in no time I will be hitting my goal of 170LB.

3. I got prescribed antibiotics for my lockjaw so I'll be back to eating solid food in no time.

4. I've got an amazing support group and this blog. 

5. Working on opening a banking account. 

6. I'm hitting 12k steps a day + exercising. (Plus my clothes are fitting looser so I think my fat is turning into muscle)☺☺

7. Rescheduling college classes July 8th.

8. Grandmas Sugar Cupcakery is NOT hiring, and MercyOne has NOT gotten back to me after being rejected for going to college full-time.

I think it is all going to be okay and I always figure everything out. Remember the bad things pass, the good things stay.

QOTD (Quote of the Day): Please love yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.

Talk soon, 

Elle B. Are. ♥

LBRdiaries@blogspot.com