Shell Yea🐚🌴🍹

Current State of the Union.

                                                    Current State of the Union.

                               IN                                                                           OUT

                             sushi                                                                             pizza

                              zumba                                                                   regular cardio

                              pearls                                                                       diamonds

                               

Talk soon, 

Elle B. Are ♥

LBRdiaries@blogspot.com

Solo But SO Major.

 From my heart...   (8/4)

They say “alpha girls” don’t wait for an invite — they make one. But what happens when you’re the only one ready to RSVP? In Cancun, I found out.

The last three days, I’ve been begging to go to the club. I’m 18, so yes, I’m allowed. But nobody wanted to go with me (NOT EVEN JUST TO CHECK IT OUT!)

Last night, I finally got tired of waiting for someone to say yes. So, I decided to be independent. I followed the music, walked into the club on my own, ordered a couple of VIRGIN drinks (calm down), and made new friends (Andrea and Camilo). I instantly felt good vibes and fun energy with people I felt safe with. We danced, laughed, and had a blast. Andrea even walked me back to my room at 12:40 AM to make sure I got there safely.

It felt amazing. I don’t have clubs back home, so this was my chance. I went out on my own, made smart choices, and had the time of my life. That’s what independence should look like.

Then… dinner happened. I was sitting next to my cousin, having fun with the whole family, when my grandma turned to me and asked what time I went to bed. My stomach dropped — I knew something was up. I said “pretty late,” and she started telling me how upset she was that I went out without permission.

Cue my mood crashing.

Here’s the thing: I know I’m still young. I’m not claiming to be the most mature adult in the world. But I’m tired of feeling like it’s a crime to be independent. I take a lot of pride in making smart decisions. If I had felt unsafe at any point, I would have left. Instead, I made friends instead of being alone — that’s called being resourceful, responsible, smart, and yes, independent.

It’s frustrating when the same people who don’t want to join me in my life also don’t want me doing things without them. And yeah, it stung to know somebody told them I went out (especially when they're out here making way riskier choices than I ever would).

So I hid out in the bathroom after dinner, calming myself down, replaying the night in my head. I’m still proud of myself for going. Even if my family didn’t like it, I know I made the right call for ME.

Maybe this is what growing up feels like — the thrill of independence, and the sting of realizing not everyone’s ready to see you as your own person. But you know what? I am. 

That night taught me that independence isn’t just about going out alone — it’s about trusting yourself when no one else does. I learned that I can step into a new place, make connections, keep myself safe, and create memories that are mine alone. Even if my family doesn’t approve, that doesn’t erase the fact that I handled myself exactly how I’d want to — smart, confident, and unapologetically me.

Cancun didn’t just give me a fun night out. It gave me proof that I’m ready to start living life on my own terms.

QOTD: Don't dim your own light just to make someone else comfortable.

Talk soon,

Elle B. Are. ♥

LBRdiaries@blogspot.com

Sea You, New Me.

 Let's be real...

It has totally been a MINUTE since my last update! I've been busy trying to build my life. (Adulting is totally hard.) Vacationing in Cancun was ah-mazing! I had loads of fun and got that summer experience I was CRAVING. Now I'm back in my home town and everything is the same, almost everything. I learned new things about myself and had small change, but definitely not insignificant. 

1. I value independence. A LOT. I've learned I can do things on my own, it may be anxiety inducing but it definitely feels GOOD.

2. I like sushi. :) 

3. I am ready and willing for change.

During my vacation I felt like a child, in a bad way. I wasn't allowed to go see places on my own and the staff kept mistaking me for underage. I may only be 18 but I am an adult now so I expect to be treated like one. I feel like one of the reasons why I had felt so anxious to start college and move away is because my family discourages it. I totally love my family to death but I need to plant and grow my own life. They make change seem bad and selfish but it is the whole opposite of that. Change allows strength and compassion to enter your life more efficiently. It makes you grateful for what you have while allowing your mind to learn more about the world. 

Being in the city of Solidaridad exhibited the mentality of there being more out there in the world. Now that I am back home I see opportunity. I feel a bit stuck now that I'm back here, same old routine, but at the same time I am looking forward to what the future will bring me. 

Summer has been great but I'm also ready to see what's next in store for me! :)

QOTD: Quit letting who you were, talk you out of who you're becoming. 

Talk soon,

Elle B. Are. ♥

LBRdiaries@blogspot.com

SLEEPOVER ACTIVITES 🧁💤🍕🎥🌞🌊🌳

  

Forgiveness Isn't Fashionable (But I Still Want It).

From my heart...

I’ve been thinking a lot about 90210 lately—specifically Adrianna and Naomi. You know the moment: Naomi gets caught with Adrianna’s stash, and suddenly, her world crumbles for something she didn’t even do. Meanwhile, Adrianna watches her best friend walk away, knowing full well she caused it. I hate to say it, but... I’ve been there. Maybe not with actual drugs or designer scandals, but I’ve made mistakes that stained people I cared about. And when the fallout hit, I had to ask myself: can guilt ever outshine the hurt I caused? Spoiler: Naomi didn’t think so. And sometimes, neither do the people we love. 

Adrianna's confession seriously stood out to me, "Yeah, I’m claiming responsibility. So what? It was obviously my fault. I don’t want to miss her. She was trying to help me and I hurt her so badly. So deeply that she’s never gonna forgive me. And I can’t live with myself knowing that I did something that awful." 

Watching Adrianna fall apart over Naomi hits differently when you've lived it. I had a Naomi. My number one, my ride-or-die. We weren’t just close—we were synced. The kind of friendship where one raised eyebrow meant “spill the tea” and a shared glance meant “same thought.” And then—just like that—we weren’t. She cut me off. Completely. No big dramatic fight, no last words. Just silence that grew louder every day. She told me she never wanted to speak to me again. And she meant it. That was four years ago. You’d think I’d be over it by now. And I am... mostly. But then there are those weird little moments—the ones you don’t expect. A joke no one else would get. A memory that floats up out of nowhere. A song, a scent, a moment that we would've laughed at together. That’s when the ache hits. Not loud. Not messy. Just a soft, sharp kind of missing. Like Adrianna, I’ve said sorry. To the counselor, in the letters I never sent, in late-night whispers no one heard. But like Naomi, she made her choice. And I have to live with that. Some friendships aren’t lost in explosions. They're lost in silence. 

And the hardest part is still wanting to share the laugh when the other person isn’t listening anymore.

Some days, I convince myself that I’ll never have that kind of friendship again. That the closeness, the compatibility, the bond we had was once-in-a-lifetime. And maybe it was. But lately, I’ve been trying to believe something else, too: that maybe the universe doesn’t always give us replacements—it gives us reminders. New people, new energy, new chances to feel seen and safe and silly all over again. It won’t be her. It won’t be us. But it might still be beautiful. I don’t know when that connection will show up. I don’t know who it’ll be. But I do know that I’m still here, still healing, still open. 

And even though it still hurts sometimes, I’ve made amazing progress. I’ve owned up to my mistakes. I’ve faced truths I used to run from. I’ve stopped waiting for closure that may never come. I’m no longer stuck. I’m still healing, still learning—but I’m also moving. Forward. And stronger. And maybe, that’s what growth really looks like.

This was a 'from the heart' blog. I won't be doing these too often, only when I need to. I hope this can help someone that may be in a rut in their relationship. 

QOTD (Quote of the Day): In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.

Talk soon,

Elle B. Are. ♥

LBRdiaries@blogspot.com

Manifesting & Meltdowns.

 Let's Be Real...

I feel like there is a HUGE blockage in my way. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS but I hope to find out REAL SOON. 

So first of all I've been suffering from Trismus (lockjaw) due to my wisdom teeth growing in UPSIDE DOWN and becoming infected. It has been so difficult and frustrating to eat, it feels like an AWFUL chore. And to add onto that it is extremely difficult to book an appointment to get wisdom teeth removed and if I don't feel like waiting I have to pay the 4,000+ fee. When my mom told my dad the other night he TOTALLY freaked out. Since I'm going to Cancun in August they've already spent a pretty penny on my ticket and resort fee. So I TOTALLY understand but my dad is acting as if I BEGGED to go to Cancun. This was THEIR gift to ME. He gets so angry that my mom and I don't have jobs but does he even understand the circumstances that we CANNOT? Like we have been over that TRILLIONS of times. I also weighed myself on the scale and AGAIN I hit the 200LB mark. WHY? DON'T KNOW. I've been working so hard UGH I am so UPSET. 

So here is what I'm doing instead of freaking out:

1. I walked to Hardees today to fill out a job application. No fear, just did it. (Proud of myself. ☺)

2. These last 2 weeks I have been working extremely hard taking care of myself and in no time I will be hitting my goal of 170LB.

3. I got prescribed antibiotics for my lockjaw so I'll be back to eating solid food in no time.

4. I've got an amazing support group and this blog. 

5. Working on opening a banking account. 

6. I'm hitting 12k steps a day + exercising. (Plus my clothes are fitting looser so I think my fat is turning into muscle)☺☺

7. Rescheduling college classes July 8th.

8. Grandmas Sugar Cupcakery is NOT hiring, and MercyOne has NOT gotten back to me after being rejected for going to college full-time.

I think it is all going to be okay and I always figure everything out. Remember the bad things pass, the good things stay.

QOTD (Quote of the Day): Please love yourself instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.

Talk soon, 

Elle B. Are. ♥

LBRdiaries@blogspot.com